I’ve built you something

Out of thoughts and feelings

A sculpture of sorts

It’s grand and beautiful and fantastic

Like a skyscraper

With your name on it 

It’s positively lovely

Except you can’t see it

Because I’ve built it in my heart 

lisaahoneeey:

I’ll not only make you a sandwich, but I’ll also ask if you want it cut diagonally or horizontally.

Don’t forget: crust or no crust? I always ask :)

The Worst Protection

I’m caged in

I hate it

I’m in a prison and I cant escape

I’m done for

The walls are closing in on me

I wan’t to get out

I need to leave

I’m caged in

And I hate it

But once in a while

I remember

It’s not to only meant

To keep me in

It’s to keep the others out 

Come Back

Oh lovely, you hide

Inside of something you’re not:

This skin skin of a beast,

These eyes burning with rage. 

Reclaim your beauty!

For my sake, for yours, 

Return, my love, return!

I know this thing you are

Is untrue to your nature.

Come back to me in your form

Of pleasantry, smiles and laughter. 

Come back to me, please.

Just not like this.

Laundry!

Up to my knees

Up to my elbows

Piling over my head

Stacks of reds and oranges

Blues and greens

All spilling out of baskets

And bags and bins

It’s impossible

That someone wore so much

Charming sky,

Celestial beauty,

Why do you cry?

Smile for me again.

Replace your gray eyes

With the cerulean joy

I know them to be.

No more rain to bathe my windows,

Return the rays of light

To paint the world.

Please, for me,

Dear sky?

And I’m sure 

I’m not the only one

Who needs the sun again.

Lately, I just can’t stop thinking about it:

The day I almost did it. The day I almost drowned myself in her pool. This is why people say I’m afraid to feel. This is one of the reasons people think I’m so fucked up.

       It was a simple day, not beautiful in the least though. Gloomy, like today, humidity and electricity in the air. I didn’t mind it, I was going to go see her. This would be the first time in weeks that I had gone over to her house. It was exciting. After all, I was so young, excitement was my reaction to most things. I walked, practically skipped to her front door. She hardly ever remembered to lock it, so I just went in.

       I still remember how nervous I was. I was always nervous before going off on “adventures” like these. I approached her door, giving myself an encouraging nod. The door was already open just a crack. I learned not to knock, as it so often startled her, so I just swung it open. And there she was, head turned towards me, her icy blue eyes staring right at me– right through me. His face was buried in her hair. His bare, pimply ass thrusting up and down between her legs.

Time stopped…

        I dropped the candle I had stolen from my mother. I knew she loved candles, so I brought her one. It was her favorite scent. I didn’t think about where I was going.  I was thinking too much about everything else. Before I knew it, I was outside by her pool asking myself every question I could manage: “Was she high? Didn’t I help her? Didn’t she change for me? Didn’t she know how much I wanted to help? Didn’t she know how much I wanted her better? Didn’t she want me at all?”

        She had done so well. Her clean streak was over now. He destroyed all of it. He took her from me. He didn’t love her, he didn’t care about her the way I did. His only concern was… and it occurred to me what she had done. The drugs in exchange for tearing my heart clean out of my chest. “She should have just smoked that instead”. I thought I had helped her get better. I was stupid to think that she wanted my help. I was stupid to think she wanted me– certainly not in the way I wanted her.  She didn’t want me at all. “I’m nothing to her.  I am nothing. I am nothing…”

        Standing, kneeling, curled up in a ball front of her pool I cried. I cried until my eyes hurt, until I couldn’t breathe anymore, until I could feel the pounding fists of rage on the inside of my ribcage, because that’s the only thing that could be left. “Why? Why? Why was I such an idiot?” I was dizzy. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to be anymore. She wouldn’t care– I know he would be elated, if I ended it all right now. It wouldn’t hurt anymore. I wouldn’t have to hate myself anymore, or him, or her. I crawled to the edge of her pool, crying what I thought to be my last tears. “I hope they’re happy together”. I heard the door slam. “Crazy, stupid bitch!” he yelled.

        I started. He hadn’t seen me, but if I had stayed any longer, he certainly would have. I jumped her fence and I ran. I would finish my crying at home. Besides, I would have probably been too much of a coward to follow through anyways.